Dear Professor Blackstone
Subject : Introductory Letter
My name is Tristal, and my academic background has been shaped by a combination of opportunities and evolving interests. I initially pursued a course in Real Estate Business and Built Environment at polytechnic, intending to become a real estate salesperson. However, my fascination with the construction industry developed over time, influenced both by my lecturers and mother’s long standing career in civil engineering. Observing her work on tenders, maps, and material calculations sparked my passion for the field. Civil engineering appeals to me because it balances dynamic, outdoor work environments with technical design, aligning perfectly with my career aspirations.
In terms of communication, one of my key strengths is my ability to connect with others on a personal level. As an extrovert, I enjoy engaging with people and building genuine relationships, especially in group projects where collaboration is essential. However, I sometimes find it challenging to express myself clearly in writing, as my tone can occasionally be misunderstood. As a result, I prefer verbal communication, such as phone calls, to convey my thoughts more effectively.
For this module, my two specific goals are 1) to build greater confidence in public speaking and 2) to actively enjoy and participate in the learning process. I believe these goals will help me improve my communication skills while enhancing my overall academic experience.
What sets me apart is my early exposure to the civil engineering industry, which has provided me with a hands-on perspective and a unique foundation for growth. Guided by my mother’s expertise and my own experiences, I am excited to build on this foundation and contribute a unique perspective to the field.
Yours Sincerely
Tristal Ng
Commented on Aarifeen , Chanelle and Vellyn
Hi Tristal,
ReplyDeleteYour email effectively introduces your academic background and career interests, presenting a clear and engaging narrative of how your passion for civil engineering developed. The tone is professional and well-suited for academic correspondence.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Conciseness: Simplify some sentences to improve brevity and readability. For example:
Original: “Civil engineering appeals to me because it balances dynamic, outdoor work environments with technical design, aligning perfectly with my career aspirations.”
Revised: “Civil engineering appeals to me for its combination of dynamic outdoor work and technical design, aligning with my career goals.”
Overall, your email is well-structured and engaging. These adjustments can further refine your message.
Hi Francis,
DeleteThank you for your comment. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my email and provide feedback on both the aspects I did well and areas where I can improve.
Good and well written email! Your email is clear and engaging, with a strong introduction that tells us your transition from real estate to civil engineering. The mention of your mother's influence adds a personal and unique touch. However, phrases like "combination of opportunities and evolving interests" could be more concise. In addition, transitioning between paragraphs could be smoother but it is good enough for now.
ReplyDeleteHi Aarifeen,
DeleteI appreciate you taking the time to read my email and offering feedback for me to reflect on and improve. Thank you once again!
Hello Tristal,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your email! It's clear that you have a strong passion for civil engineering, and the story about your journey from real estate to engineering is really personal and engaging. I also love how you’ve set specific goals for yourself, like improving your public speaking skills it shows you’re really thinking about how to grow and improve.
Your enthusiasm for learning and your proactive approach are great, and I’m confident you’ll make a lot of progress in this module.
Keep up the great work, and I’m excited to see how you continue to grow throughout the course!
Hi Jude!
DeleteThank you for reading my email and letting me know you enjoyed it. It means I was successful in conveying the message I wanted to share. Thanks again!
Hi Aravin,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your feedback on my letter. I've taken note of the areas to work on, and yes, let's continue to improve and grow together in this module!"
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tristal, for this well developed and highly informative letter. You address the points of the brief in a comprehensive manner.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the sharing about your evolving interest in engineering and how your mother's career not only provided a model of what you wanted to do in your own professional life but also served as a beacon of guidance. You are truly a fortunate young lady!
I also appreciate learning about your passion for "engaging with people and building genuine relationships." Actually, I can sense that even in our lessons with some of your classmates, but the more we move forward in the module, I want to see that attitude take flight and engergize the entire class. One way to make that happen is for you to bravely offer insights in discussions or ask questions whenever you have them.
In your letter, you also explain that one module aim is to "actively enjoy and participate in the learning process." Again, I feel that as we get deeper into the module work, you'll have a chance to do that, especially when we initiate the peer feedback sessions. Don't hold back in engaging your peers across the class during these sessions.
In terms of your language use, this letter is a very good effort. It's a pleasure to read.
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Thanks prof brad for your detailed comment , I love reading it. I hope to learn more from you and work towards my goals I set for myself.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tristal! Gambatte (as the Japanese say)!
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